Dear Father Time,

The camera I currently own sucks. It would be so kind of you to give me a new one for Halloween. Thank you in advance.

With love always,
      Tyler

make a mattress out of the grass
my eyes entranced by the blue sky
ears open and listening
to life and death
I want to be that boy
the boy who is in love with the world,
stellar and devastating
everything and anything in between
IN LOVE with the world

it's the pressure of your entire body on my chest
it's the way you know when I'm sad and make me better
it's the soft warm feeling of your fur against my bare skin
it's the unconditional love i receive from the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen

...maybe you only love me because I feed you, but I tend to think not... ( best friend )

Do I miss it
or the idea of it?

I suggest we
learn to LOVE OURSELVES
before it's made illegal

-incubus

Without CHAOS we would all be bored.

I never said that everything would be ok...

everything swimming around in my head
circling through forwards
backwards
up
down
left
right
upside down and inside out

take the thoughts
turn them around and spit them back out
what did you learn?
what do you want?
what makes the world turn?
how can it go faster or slow down?

standing in the middle of nowhere
where to go?
what to do?

take it for everything it is
it was
it will be
it will never be

I haven't posted in quite a long time. So here you are. I've decided I really like feet hair. Not in the fetish type of way. I personally don't have much hair on my feet, but I really like what I do have. They way it travels down from my leg into my foot and then the slight bit of soft hair on my toes. I think it's pretty sweet. I also like to sort of play with my happy trail. I end up sort of petting it throughout the day sometimes. Weird, I know. But I really like hair if it's in the right places. So here's some pictures of my happy trail.


( pictures )

very happy so far
I'm going to get the drains taken out tomorrow
sweet, a shower

( 1 week post op pictures :] )

I'm leaving for surgery today!! BBQ in Phili tonight with some kick-ass awesome guys. Then tomorrow we're off to Maryland and Dr. Fischer. Wednesday is surgery!! So excited!!

It started nicely. I feel I did pretty well on my statistics final. Then it went downhill from there. I had made an appointment with Mazzoni for my pre-op physical. So I drove the 2 hours to get there. Whoever made my appointment fucked up and set my up with Susan, although she is really nice and I like to talk to her, that was not the current mission. I would have stayed and talked to her anyway, but I have a paper due today that I hadn't started yet (it is done now though). So, $5 in parking and about a tank full of gas later...I crashed. Yes, my car. I had just filled my tank, was driving on 202 and some dirt spit up onto my windshield which was really nothing, but apparently was bothering my, so I was trying to clean it off. I was doing a horrible job and when I looked up it was too late, I smashed into the car in front of because I did not realize traffic was stopping for a red light. Holy shit! It fucking scared the crap out of me (not literally). I shake all the time when I'm not upset or nervous, it was almost like I was going into convulsions yesterday. So it sucked. My car is totaled and I didn't even have a point to go to Mazzoni except to get into the accident. Fuck! No car. And I have surgery next week which there is no way in hell I'm post-poning due to the fact that it is extremely important and I don't know when I'll be able to get a different appointment. And why is there no fucking train to get to Philadelphia through njtransit? So life was going not bad, and now it sucks again...
I hope you (preston) and elliott can go with me to Fischer. I am still extremely excited even with my recent unfortunate events. :/

I went to Kohl's yesterday in search of pants. I'm in a weird size. I'm an 18 in boys, and they don't have a lot of them (or they're husky, which I am not for sure). Then I try to search for the smallest waist possible in the young men's section due to the skinnyness. I did buy my first pair of big boy pants yesterday from the young men's section. I also found an 18 in the boys for only $9. Hard to beat that price. So I got 2 new jeans because I didn't have very many pants. Now I should be set for awhile.

oh, and here's a picture of my lip ring :]

( lip piercing )

I did a drawing. It's the same fish as my tattoo. It says "love is a verb here in my room" -incubus. Anyone like it?

I did some snowboarding on Monday. It was pretty fucking sweet since I hadn't been in 2 years. Some nice wipe outs and I've been a bit sore this week, but well worth it. I hope I get to go again this season. I need to work on my toe turning. I'm good with the heels, but I have to ride switch every time I need to turn the other direction. I'm good with switching between goofy and regular. I actually prefer to ride goofy, but I get a regular board because I can't do the one foot out to get to the lift goofy-footed. So toe turning is on the list of shit to learn.
And I really want to go hiking when the weather gets warmer or camping and shit. So if anyone is up for it, I'd be happy to meet up for a camping trip when school gets out. Climbing rocks and trees, can't get too much better than that.

Valentine's Day, another day for Hallmark to make all their money from cards and shit. If you love someone, show them every day, not just one day out of the year. Bring them chocolate randomly, no need for a reason. In a way, it's nice to have a day, an a lot of people are probably getting sex today. Seriously, just another pointless holiday.

Just as a side note, I got my lip pierced, it's pretty sweet. I'll have pictures up soon.

Christmas. It wasn't bad. I worked til about 6 on Christmas Eve at Pet Supply. Then I worked at the kennel Christmas Day from 8-11. Not too bad, it's been worse.
My dad went all out this year with the gifts. I was at his house for Christmas Eve. I don't really like going there and I don't have the best relationship with him. I gave us (meaning Tyler, Alyse, and Ian, us kids) pretty expensive shit this year. Alyse got skis, Ian got an ipod dvd player thing (though his ipod was stolen), and I got a new sound system for my car. Yeah, it's awesome, but I feel like he's trying to buy us in a way. I can't be bought. Material things are just that, material, unimportant in the long run.
Mom and Dave did excellent. I got a bunch of Quiksilver shirts (my favorite), Grey's Anatomy on dvd, the usual calender, "Return to Hawk's Hill", and some cash and gas cards. My sister got me a $20 gift card to the apple store because I'm planning on getting the red nano. My brother got me an Incubus shirt (technically just a picture of it because it didn't come in yet). Other CD's and cash and a book from other relatives.
I got them some pretty sweet stuff too. My brother and I went in on my dad's fountain relaxing light up thing from Spencer. My sister and I got mom and Dave a gift certificate to get dinner at a nice restaraunt. I got my mom a chocolate bar and Dave some donuts. I gave my brother a new Volcom hat and my sister the new My Chemical Romance cd and a lava lamp.
My cat, Miko, enjoyed the catnip I gave here very much.
Overall, Christmas was pretty nice. Unfortunatly my sister was the only one nice and accepting enough to write "Tyler" on the gift. It will take time I guess, I'll keep working on them...

I took a weight management class online this semester. Anorexic boy + weight management course = bad idea. I fucked myself. I did not take the final and did a half-ass job on most of the shit. I have a bad grade and hope I can drop the course. It's not that I couldn't get and A. I could have easily. I basically lived weight management for a couple months in the hospital. My head was not in this class at all. One year ago I was in the hospital for anorexia. I don't want to fucking count calories and measure out food. Fuck that shit. So hopefully this guy will here me out and understand to an extent and hopefully let me drop. It's a fucking 1 credit health and wellness course and I could lose my scholarship over it.

This is my first tattoo and the meaning behind it. I think it's pretty sweet. And it makes me look like a bad ass, even though I'm definitely not.

( picture and meaning )

So I am more skin and bones than I am muscle, so I figure I'll try working on it. So here's two pictures of my no muscles.


( pictures )